Preface
 

    What motivated me to write this book is I feel really bad for many of the women out there who have a very difficult time finding a good man. Most women want to be loved. On the other hand, I am very disgusted with many of the women that we, good men, have to choose from. The generation of women that I have to choose from is clueless. The reason why men and women have problems in relationships is there is a lack of understanding of the fundamental makeup of the opposite sex and how they think. The tendency is to deal with the opposite sex as we would our own sex not understanding that we are different. The differences have to do with our wants, our needs, our thought process, and our desires. Most women make the mistake of thinking that men think as they do. That is a big fallacy.

When I was younger, so many people used to say to me, “You get on my nerves!” and I hated that!  No one would tell me what it was that I was doing that “got on their nerves.”  As disconcerting as it was, it really had a lasting effect on me because I never knew what I was doing and no one took the time to tell me. Well, it is the same with women today.  Most women want to be loved and cherished by a man. But most of them have no idea what it is that they are doing or are not doing as to why they cannot find love, get, and keep a man. The problem is many women are not taught how to understand a man, how to treat a man, and what to do to keep a man. Well, I'm going to tell you.

      This book is not my attempt to impress you with some sort of elitist vernacular nor am I going to use jargon to try to impress my critics. I will attempt to use easily understandable language so as to ensure that the point is gotten. We live in a society in which young women are taught by music videos, television, and movies. The problem with movies and music videos is they do not present a realistic perspective for a young woman to learn about womanhood and how to be truly desirable to a man. They do not have anyone; mature, in their lives to tell them that certain perceptions conveyed are not the way. They are falsely led to believe that sex is all that a man needs. This thought process is destructive because it leads a young woman down a path that can lead her to losing her womanly beauty and robbing herself of her dignity and self respect.

    There are many things in movies and music videos that present clear evidence of the nature of men and women. That is why music videos and movies are so effective in captivating so many people. They appeal to the inner desires of both men and women, although they're not realistic. Counterintuitive to what many young women think, the media allows young women to dream and to fantasize, giving them a false perspective and false expectations of the realities of life in being a woman. As a result it makes it easy for boys, not men, to take advantage of women

    Keep in mind, the opposite sex serves a purpose. We long for the opposite sex because they have something that we lack but we need. What it is that they have or can offer makes us feel complete. That is why we are called “opposite”. For example: When a man looks for a woman, he looks for someone that is Shorter than he is. Well, what is the opposite of Short? Tall, a woman looks for a guy who is taller than she is. When a man looks for a woman, he looks for a woman whose body is soft. Well, what is the opposite of soft? Hard or firm, a woman looks for a man whose body is hard or firm. When you think about the sexual organs, one organ denotes giving and the opposite of giving is receiving. Even in the way that our mind works; a man, by nature, hardly worries about anything. Well, what is the opposite? Women tend to worry all day about everything. Our being called the opposite sex has to do with how we think, how we feel, our needs and desires. A man is not a woman. We are called the opposite sex for a reason.

     Then we have these prideful women today who will say that they “don't need a man.” But it's not a matter of need it’s a matter of being or feeling complete. A table does not need a tablecloth, but if you place a table cloth on the table, it adds to the beauty and it may serve as a protection for that table; it complements the table. As a woman, you have to understand that being a woman fills a need that is not present in a man. That need is something that he longs for. That is why it is very important for you to know yourself emotionally, so that you can know who you are, your emotional makeup and what you have to offer in order to get the maximum amount of happiness out of a relationship.

    Women have needs that only a man can fulfill. Most young women do not know what those needs are, and they were not raised with many of the qualities that a man needs in order to facilitate their needs being met. Most women are made to feel that some of the man’s needs are beneath them to give. They are taught that sex is the fix-all for men, which is not the case if you want a long term meaningful relationship. Now, do not misconstrue what I am trying to convey, sex is very important to a man, but you have to understand that sex can be gotten anywhere. You have to create a need for yourself beyond sex to keep a man. 

    Think of this: If you have something or an ability that your best friend needs, why is it humiliating to be the one to give it to them? When you have a quality or an ability that another needs, what that does is, it creates an additional purpose for you or a need for you in that other person's life. There is nothing wrong with being needed or wanting to be needed; it’s natural. The needs of a woman can very easily be looked at, by a man, as being beneath him to give and/or shallow.

    I guess I am also being selfish in writing this book, because at thirty-five years of age, I am looking for a wife, and it has been very frustrating for me. I have come to know what I want and need, as a man, but I find that I do not have many good women to choose from. There are not many womanly women, in my generation, for me to choose from. I know that many women will say that there are not any good men out there either, which may very well be the case. But women fail to realize the power that they have to find a good man and/or to create a good man for themselves. A woman can always change a man, but it is very difficult for a man to change a woman's attitude. You may say, “Why do I have to mold a man to be a man?” It's not about molding a man to be a man. It's about molding a man to be the man for you, the perfect fit for your emotional needs. Most women do not realize that they have to mold a man to be the perfect fit for her emotional needs. That’s why most women always have a desire to change a man but they are not taught as to what things you can change about a man or not.

      To get a good man and/or to create one, you have to, first, be a good woman first. You also have to know yourself and know what you want and need, not in a material way, but emotionally from a man. Women are one of the reasons why there are not many good men, as they think. Just as the saying goes, “Behind every good man is a good woman.” That statement is so true, and I will explain why.

    Creating a man is like buying an outfit. You may be looking for a business suit. When you go to the store to buy a business suit, you look for business suits, not swim suits. All business suits are business suits, but not every business suit will fit you properly. So what you would do first is, you would look for a business suit that has the style that you want and then the size that you need. When you try on that business suit, you may have to get it tailored to your unique shape. When you tailor the suit to your shape it will bring out your best look and it will compliment your body.

      Well, it is the same with a man. All men are males but not all men were raised to be a custom fit for you and your specific needs, no man is. A man is not a woman. You will find some men that will have many of the things that you need, but you will always have to “tailor” a man to be a custom fit for your emotional needs. All men are capable of being fitted for a woman if the basic things are there. It just depends on how bad he wants you and how congenial he will be to your technique of tailoring him.

      I know that many of you may have read books and was frustrated because the writer never answered your questions well enough for you. I promise to be concise and direct. I will not be focused on using winsome word to patronize your emotions. I am going to reveal truths to you. You will understand men so much better after reading this book. However, I would like for you to understand this: In reading my book, some of the things that I may say are not absolute. But of the several things that I discuss, almost all of what I say has a measure of truth to it. This book is not for you to assume anything about your man. I am hoping that, if you do have a man, this book will create and open discussion between the two of you. Please do not use my book to condemn him; it is for you to understand him.

      If you allow this book to create unnecessary problems in your relationship, then there may be opportunities for self-improvement. You just have to keep in mind this fact: A MAN IS NOT A WOMAN. There may be some sensitive issues that I may raise. There also may be problems that need to be addressed, but if you are offended by anything mentioned in this book; individuals should evaluate themselves to see if there are any indication that one may have self-esteem issues and some insecurities. If you, as a woman, feel a certain way about something, know that the man feels the complete opposite. Also remember that self-esteem issues and insecurities may cause you to take things more serious than need be.

      This book is designed to assist women in understanding how men think. If you are in a marital relationship, I may reveal things to you that your man may not feel comfortable bringing to your attention because of how you may react. It is not uncommon for some women to think that a man should think and feel as they do themselves. But you have to keep in mind: A MAN IS NOT A WOMAN. Once you learn how men may think on some issues, it may be very difficult for you to accept the differences. To refuse to accept certain truth is only satisfying oneself but eventually the truth will manifest itself.

     It is not uncommon that you would compare what I say to how you feel and then refuse to believe that men actually think that way. Some of you may refuse to believe and accept the different manner in how a man thinks because of feelings of not fitting into that mold or idea that he may have. Most people would agree that communication is a vital key to a healthy romantic relationship. In communicating with your partner, you will get to hear how he may feel or think. You have to keep in mind; you are a woman, not a man. If men and women were made to think alike, then there would be no need for couples to express themselves through communication. Women were created opposite to promote unselfishness and for the ability to grow deep in love. Also because we are opposite, it will allow ones to develop a deep appreciation for the other.

      Please approach the reading of this book with an open mind and a congenial disposition so as to try to make some adjustments in the way that you think. It is actually arrogant on your part if feel so strongly that your man, the opposite sex, should feel and think as you do. A man is not a woman. I am going to be as candid and as honest as I possibly can. Understand that the perspective that I am speaking from is that of a man, whether you agree with it or not. Sometimes, what may be perceived as insensitivity, to a woman, are just the expressions or the Thoughts Of A Man.

     To all of my female readers, I have a comedic personality and I would not be myself if I were not to interject some of my humor in parts that one could easily take offense to. Please realize that it is not personal because I do not know you. See the jokes for what they are; jokes. Look at it as my attempt to make light of some things that many people may see as a serious matter. I also promise that I will be very direct and honest with you. I will highlight key words by using italics to drive the point home. Please note the things that I say are not intended to hurt you; rather, they are intended to start a pattern of accepting truths that may be otherwise difficult to accept. Any topic that I discuss regarding the act of sex, I am primarily talking to married people and I will explain why in this book.

     To make this book palatable for you, grab a box of chocolates to nibble on while you read, you are going to need it. Any questions or comments e-mail me at Carter@Thoughtsofaman.com or look me up on Facebook, by my name Earl Winston Carter Jr. Follow me on Twitter. www.twitter.com/thoughtsofaman

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